Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Everyone says I win the strip club
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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