see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
