I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
