I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Too much gin, very little bucket
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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