Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
