so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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