Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im holly from the hills drunk
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
