eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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