My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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