sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
