I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
