I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
