Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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