Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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