I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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