Your face is a jimmy john
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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