PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
