Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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