I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
