I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize