I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
