they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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