i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
