The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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