remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need a burrito and a hug.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
