i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
