that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
