I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She needs sedatives and a leash
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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