I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
