You're my little dorito
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
