Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
