Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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