Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
