you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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