the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
