My underwear smells like fireworks.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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