It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
