He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I want is dick and wine.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
