Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
