I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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