Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
