Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize