hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
