I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
