Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize