so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
