And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
