This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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