it was like his penis was on wheels.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
