plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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