Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
