oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
