it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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