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my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He shit in the fireplace
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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