epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
