If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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