i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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