she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just invented taco cereal.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
