I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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