Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
