A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
